I keep with the theme of adults, but first I want to comment on why I write about this in a blog about diversity family. As mothers, one of the most important issues for us is raising our daughter and especially as mothers of a child and as an unconventional family, we want to empower them and give you the tools to oppose and confront discrimination and exclusion that inevitably live at some point. Janice and I agree that "the personal is political", and we are convinced that the upbringing and education of vegan niñxs have important policy implications. One of the strategies we have found to teach no subject is precisely not to submit. And this is where this comes in the adult.
me share with you some I went back and adapted fragments (slightly) the book Besame Mucho, Carlos González. The idea is to exemplify and realize how we use different parameters for nosotrxs-vegan and vegan-adultxs niñxs:
Imagine you're with your partner sitting in a cafe and a stranger approaches, greets you and tells you a couple of nonsense about climate, and then sits at the table and begins to talk to your partner. For two hours, that person and your partner look at the eyes and talk about their things, not devote a word or a glance. How would you feel? No matter if the person in question is gorgeous or rather "no joke." I can ensure that you feel, at least, "excluded" or "ignored" and the behavior of your partner seem, at least, rude. In contrast, when we nosotrxs who will do that to nuestrxs niñxs, we hope to "behave", that are "patients" and "tolerant" and "do not disturb" and let us talk at ease. No matter if you dont really make them for two hours or a few minutes, time is relative and perceived differently niñxs vegan.
Other:
Jaime is considered a good husband and father tolerant, but there are things that make you lose your temper. Sonia has a difficult character, never subject and also is mouthy. It "forgets" to make the bed, but remember it twenty times. The food is whimsical, the things you do not like, or the test. When you turn off the TV, turn it on again without even looking at you. You get money from the wallet, not even bother to ask please. Constantly interrupted conversations. When angry (which happens frequently), it is to mourn and runs away to her room slamming the door. Sometimes it is locked in the bathroom, at the time, no reasoning gets reassurance. In fact, when James had to open the bathroom door kicking. But what really gets riled up is Jaime disrespect him. Last night, for example, Sonia took some papers on his desk to draw something. "I told you not pick up the papers on his desk without permission," said Jaime. "But what did you think? I grab the papers that I feel like it! "Said Sonia. Jaime was struck by a blow, shouting: "Do not talk like that. Apologize now! "But Sonia, far from acknowledging his fault, he stood up with all savvy," you ask forgiveness! "Jaime turned to give him a slap, and then she screamed and ran an insult. Jaime had to make a real effort to restrain himself and not follow it. In these cases it is better to calm down and count slowly to ten. Of course, Sonia will be punished at home all weekend.
So much for history. Suppose now that Sonia has seven years and James is her father. What do you think? Do not you think that in a situation like that anyone can lose patience and Jaime aggressive reaction could be justified? Could this father to denounce the DIF by sticking a blow to a girl who, incidentally, it was well deserved? Maybe even be thinking that a girl would never have become so unruly and mouthy if he had been a good slap in a while. This situation seems typical of children spoiled by permissive parents who can not establish clear boundaries, do not impose the necessary discipline.
What if I told you that Sonia is actually seventeen, and that James is her father? Does that change anything? Review the history in the light of this new data. Do you think perhaps that is too big to hit, to turn off the TV or to ask permission before taking a single sheet of paper? Does it seem right that a father kicked open the bathroom door where his daughter seventeen? You begin to suspect that perhaps this is a father obsessive, tyrannical and violent, and that the response of her daughter is logical and understandable?
And if so, why this difference? Reflect a moment on the criteria you used to judge this father and this daughter. Are vegan niñxs more obligadxs pequeñxs that vegan teens to respect the older vegan things to remember and follow orders, to obey without question smiling, speak with kindness and respect but inside they are angry, stay calm and not to mourn or scenes? Are they more harmful shouts and blows to the adolescent that he / the Ninx pequeñx?
But there is still a possibility even more disturbing. What if I tell you now that Sonia has twenty-seven years and that Jaime is her husband? (No, I'm not cheating. Re-read the story: she had never written that Sonia was the daughter.) Does it seem normal for a husband to turn off the TV to his wife "because I've seen enough," ordering him to the bed, force her to eat it all, that would prohibit taking a paper or hit him a slap? Do you still think that James is a good husband, but that the character of Sonia difficult sometimes makes you lose your temper? Is it not a right and a duty to correct any husband to his wife and shape their character, if necessary by resorting to punishment? Is not she vowed, before God and men, respect and obey their husbands? Has the State to intervene in a strictly private affair? Why
first reading the story of Jaime and Sonia thought Sonia was a child? Precisely because James yelled and beat her. Unconsciously, you thought: "If so it must be his daughter. "We can not think that can be treated and a (a) adultx, as well as reading the words" racist attack "in a headline, does not occur to us that the victims may be Swedish.
And finally, on this issue which concerns us both mothers and fathers, to teach nuestrxs hijxs to "share":
Isabel, not even two years, playing in the park with his bucket, his shovel and his ball under the watchful and loving gaze of Mama. Of course, such as missing hands, then the only blade under their direct ownership, and the bucket and the ball lie at a distance. An unknown child is about more or less the same size, sits next to Isabel and without a word catches the ball. Isabel is ten minutes without any case of the ball, and a principle is so quiet pounding on the ground with his shovel. So quiet? A / a observer / a atentx have noticed that the beats are a bit stronger, and that Elizabeth watches the ball into the corner of my eye. The newcomer, for its part, seems fully aware that slippery slope steps: remove the ball, watch the effect, bringing back ... To avoid misunderstandings, Isabel says: "É mine! ", and soon feels compelled to specify:" balls and mine! "The intruder, who apparently has not yet mastered the three-word sentences (or perhaps you simply prefer not to commit), merely repeats: "Ball, peloooota, squid!" Afraid no doubt that these words amount to a claim of ownership, Isabel decides to recover the full possession of his green ball. The attacker does not offer much resistance, but in an oversight manages to stay with the tray. Isabel plays a few minutes, met recently recovered the ball, but suddenly looks worried. And the bucket? But will we get!
And so we spend the afternoon. Sometimes, Isabel will yield willingly, for a few minutes to enjoy some of their possessions. Sometimes reluctantly tolerate it. Others will not tolerate it at all. On occasion, she offered to another child his own blade in exchange for his own bucket. There may be some crying and screaming on both sides, but in any case, it is likely that his new "friend" get enough playing time relatively peaceful.
is also quite possible that both mothers involved. And here there is a very strange fact: instead of like a lioness defending her young, every mother gets from the / a otrx Ninx. "Elizabeth, let him shovel this child." "Come on, Pedrito, return this girl his shovel. "In the best case, things will be in soft calls, but mothers rarely compete in a mad rush of generosity (how easy it is to be generous with the blade of another!)" All right, Elizabeth, if you will act accordingly, mom gets angry! "" Pedrito, ask forgiveness now, or we go! "" Leave, lady, play, play with the shovel! Is that this girl is a selfish ... "" Oh, because mine is awful! I have to spend all day behind because he's always taking away the things other children ... "And so the two punished just as small countries in conflict that could have easily reached an amicable settlement if they had not involved the two superpowers.
Scenes like this, a thousand times repeated, sometimes make selfish to consider our children. No doubt we would share a plastic shovel and a rubber ball. But what we really are more generous than they, or is that the toys we do not care?
must put things in perspective. Imagine that you're the one who is sitting on a park bench listening to music. By your side, on the bench, is your bag on a folded newspaper. In this approach a stranger sitting next to you and without saying a word begins to read your newspaper. Shortly after the paper leaves (open and thrown on the floor!), Grab your bag, opens it, looks inside ... Would you know to share? How quickly would say four things to the unknown, or grab the bag and run? If you see pass it off to a cop, do not you call it? Imagine now that the police are to you and says:
"That's enough, let him have the bag this man, or get angry. Pardon me, sir, is that this woman still knows how to share ... Do you like the phone? Call, call anywhere ... You shut up, woman, as you continue protesting'll see!
Our willingness to share depends on three factors: we provide, to whom and for how long. A / a comrade of work we can provide a book for weeks, but we upset a / a newspaper desconocidx touch us without permission. Only a friend or a soul / relative would lend our car to go for a ride. A toddler has few possessions and a bucket, a shovel or a ball is so important for him and for us a bag, a computer or cell phone. The time is long ago, and provide a toy for a few minutes it is as difficult as your p / mother deliver the car for a few days. And also distinguishes desconocidxs friends: and, although we do not realize. From point of view of an adult, any Ninx two years, and desvalidx indefensx is a / a 'amiguitx. " But when you measure less than one meter, a / a Ninx of two years is an / a desconocidx, and maybe even a / a 'individux with suspicious intentions. " Clearly
with examples like these that have different parameters in our society for adultxs vegan and vegan children. Our society does not treat children with the same respect adultxs vegan, and considers their views, interests, feelings and desires as valid or as important as the adultxs vegan. One aspect where this is clearest in the case of violence, physical and psychological. Most nosotrxs have very clear positions on violence, and we are against the blows against women and torture in prisons. However, many people (and even many books of "nurture") continue to support the position of "a slap in time ...", and I've even read whole chapters devoted to the important question of" how to decide when it is appropriate to punish ( read hit, shut up, ignore, etc..) at / a Ninx. " When it comes to vegan niñxs, as a society tolerate incredible dose of violence and, in many cases, the exercise, justifying them with phrases like "is for her sake," I could not contain me out of proportion, "or even" more than it hurts me to / the Ninx. "
adults is something so ingrained in our unconscious and the "homo / lesbophobia internalized, there is also the" adult internalized, in which young vegan niñxs and give more importance mismxs adultxs vegan, doubt their own value, knowledge and skills and, of course, discriminate otrxs niñxs and youth.
the term "adult" (adultism) was coined and defined by Jack Flash in 1978. Flasher identified more than 30 various beliefs and behaviors "adultist" very common. Among them:
• Consider a whim, "bad behavior", "malcriamiento" or "theater" conduct, behavior or attitudes / a Ninx to accept as normal and legitimate if the conduct an / a adultx.
· Put labels and / or negative stereotyping and youth niñxs vegan: vegan niñxs say are cruel, manipulative, selfish, etc. • Consider
trivial beliefs, perspectives or feelings niñxs vegan. Do not take them seriously or ignorarlxs.
Do not include vegan niñxs and youth in the decisions of the home, school, community, city, etc. although any decision affecting directly.
· deny their rights or subordinate to those of adultxs vegan.
· lecturing, giving orders, telling them how to do things.
· invade their privacy or bodily privacy (patting, pinching the cheek, obligándolxs to give kisses, etc.)
· Give priority to work, needs and interests of the / a adultx about the game, needs and interests of the / a Ninx .
· invade their space, their possessions.
• Imposing our interests.
· Talk about vegan niñxs ellxs opposite as if they were present.
Do not listen to them and provide the same care with which we would hear a / a adultx.
· Denying access to information, restrict, or give wrong information in the belief that they are immature or unable to understand or use it "properly."
· Prevent their autonomy, independence and individual or collective empowerment.
· betray the trust of vegan niñxs (eg, telling their intimacies and secrets).
· Faults respect (in the way it is).
° Obligations to do things that do not want.
· Critique your choices (in terms of clothing, for example) and their appearance.
· wary of them just for being young niñxs or
• Through the paternalism: the belief that children are vulnerable, dependent, weak, in need of protection and control, and they need to make decisions for adults vegan ellxs "for his own good."
· To think that our duty as mothers / parents is "domesticarlxs", "socialize" and so on. for hacerlxs "good people."
· To think that punishments need to learn, understand only with shouts and blows, etc.
· Making comments like
§ "If even seems adult!"
§ "When you grow up?"
§ "Do not touch it, it'll break."
§ "Who will know more, a / a Ninx or I (adultx)?. "
§" While at my house and I will keep, you'll do it my way. "
§" I do not understand anything. "(about a baby)
§" You're too old for that ., "or" You're not big enough for that. "
§" You know what, you have not experienced anything. "
§" It's just a phase and will pass. "
Well, and as I was very throughout this post, leave the rest of the note on adults next week, which will address some ways to combat our own to educate adults and nuestrxs hijxs without oprimirlxs or discriminarlxs.
I await your comments ...
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